“Are you sure you are okay with being alone?”
The holidays always brings out the worst in people. Or should I say, the worst questions. Being a single female among committed, married, or elderly relatives are always an unnecessary pain in my side. And this Thanksgiving was no different.
“You don’t have a boyfriend yet?! I thought you would be married by now!” The utter terror on their faces made me want to vomit right into the corn pudding being passed. To save this feast from turning into a bloodbath with my modern convictions, I thought it would be best if I just said them here in the comfort of my blogsphere.
People assume everyone who is single simply can not get a date. And I’m here to tell you that’s utter bullshit. Especially for women. Like my godmother says “Penis is a plenty.”
But many people fail realize that just because you have someone does not make you better than people who are single or give you justification to feel sympathy for people who are single.
Each and every single person out there is single for their own reasoning and it is quite frankly none of your business as to why they are single in less you are in the process of engaging with that person for romantic purposes. Or if they are your BFF, of course because that’s your right as a friend to gossip…
So, it’s interesting when people ask me about why I am single. Why am I okay with being alone? Am I really sure I am okay with it?
But since I am somewhat of an “open book,” I’ll enlighten you. No, I am not okay with being lonely in the romantic sense. But I am okay with waiting for the right person. And if that means being alone, then, yes I am okay with that. Scary, right?
When you are alone, you start to understand two things: what’s wrong with you and what’s wrong with the people you have dated. Being alone holds a certain comfort for those of us who enjoy being in our minds and hashing out details about love’s past.
It’s been about two years since my last “love adventure” and honestly, I hadn’t noticed it until cuffing season starting showing up everywhere. I’m not sure what it was that was distracting last year, but I would like a dose of that again, please.
During this time of being alone, I have started to work on myself emotionally. It has made me realize some things about myself that just would not work in the relationship as of right now (I will get into this next Saturday). And in dealing the past, I have made some observations as to what I do not want in my next encounter with Cupid (a later post, of course).
With that being said, I would like to address the single ladies out there this holiday season. Are you alone or lonely? Because alone and lonely are two very different things.
Anyone can be alone, whether if you are in a relationship or not. Some handle better than others and some can’t handle it at all. Alone is a state of being. You are simply not around another person at that point in time.
Being lonely is an emotion, a longing or desperation if you will, for the company of others. A constant seeking and needing of the affection, time, and presence of another person either romantic or platonic.
This distinction, I have gathered, is not commonly known by the general public and my family. When I say I am okay with being alone, I literally mean I am okay without being around others in the romantic sense at this time. It does not necessarily mean I am lonely. There are moments when the presence of a significant other would be amazing, breathing heavily because I live on the second floor after walking a block and half because there was no parking after buying too much at the grocery store, but I have chose not to fantasize a relationship with a person who is neither not willing to to commit to me or having someone around just because.
So, this holiday season, if you see someone who is single, don’t make them feel worse about their current relationship status by saying things like “You’re so pretty, you can’t be single” or “I know the perfect person for you” or “You have to find someone before you turn 30, you don’t want to have children too late like your Mom.” Just let them be and ask about their careers or hobbies. And if that’s not going too well either, you can always revert back to embarrassing childhood memories that scarred them for life!
Are you single this holiday season?
Read more of my rants and stories on being single under Single Stories. As always, make you sure you like, comment, and follow this blog as well as connect with me on my other channels. Links can be found on my main page.